How to Reclaim Your Identity After Becoming a Mom

As a first-time mom, I was blindsided. There’s so much emphasis put on what to buy, picking out a name, designing the nursery, and researching the best stroller on the market. I mean, come on, having a baby is deemed to be one of the most joyful times of our lives.

There isn’t enough information about losing yourself in motherhood. The only advice I remember getting while pregnant was, “get all the sleep while you can,” as if I could stockpile sleep and save it for last.

Are you a mama who feels like you’ve lost your Umph, or feel like you used to be fun and vibrant when it comes to life, but you don’t know what happened”? Have you thought thoughts like, “I feel like my life is over after having a baby? Or what happened to me? My personality consists of keeping this human alive and diapers. ugh!

Sounds familiar? You’ve probably lost yourself in motherhood, and that’s okay! That FUN you, she’s still in there! You’ve just lost your spark! With a little help, you can nurture an even better version of yourself back to life. Just continue reading!

This post DOESN’T list off a TON of generic fluffy stuff.

But instead, practical tips and thought-provoking questions to ask yourself.

This post is all about finding yourself after motherhood and reclaiming your identity

Losing ourselves

To find ourselves, we must first accept what was lost and our new reality.

When the smoke begins to clear, we realize how much time and energy we were pouring into our kids, and leaving little to no time for ourselves. It’s like we’re in a whirlwind, then when the dust settles, we finally look up, trying to figure out what to make of ourselves, our “new” life, and what it’s become.

Mourn

I don’t think there’s a gentle way to say this… with love…you already know this, but your life will never be the same as before having kids. There I said it, we’re on the same page, and have gotten that out of the way.

To begin the process of rediscovering ourselves, we must first mourn our past selves. We must let go of our past selves and past seasons of ourselves. Mourn that girl/woman we used to be. We must allow ourselves to enjoy it for what it was and let it go.

In doing so, you’ll make room to accept the new version of yourself.

That doesn’t mean your character, values, and personality are gone. At your core, you’re still you!

It’s about releasing the idea of getting “back” to your old self. Life is about evolving and growing forward, and this is one of those transitions in life.

Meeting your basic needs

Let’s start by getting our basic needs met again. A lot of the time, we’re pouring so much into those around us that we put ourselves on the back burner unknowingly and are running on fumes half the time.

Simply putting kids in the stroller and going for a walk is already a step forward. When was the last time you styled your hair, got a pedicure, or heck, went for a drive for some alone time? How’s your eating lately?

Walking/exercising
Eating healthy
Getting some sunlight and fresh air
Self-care
Alone time

Doing these little things may seem small, but they make all the difference in focusing on ourselves again and rediscovering ourselves after motherhood and reclaiming our identity. By doing something for yourself daily, you will get into the habit of taking bits of your time back to pour into yourself.

Individual Identity

Oh, baby! Finding purpose outside of motherhood may seem so far-fetched or a thing of the past, especially when our duties are endless. Becoming a mother is an additional title you carry, just like being a sister, cousin, or aunt, etc. BUT… It’s not who you ARE!

Not defining our purpose in the things we do and the people we serve can make it difficult to separate the two.

Let’s start small, Hobbies and dreams!

I used to enjoy photography and styling my hair. Since becoming a mama, those things got pushed aside for a while.

Before kids, what was something you enjoyed that hours could pass by unknowingly? What is a passion project that you said you’d come back to? Was it to go back to school and finish your degree?

Social Media

If you don’t know, I have a love-hate relationship with social media. It’s a great tool, but if incorrectly used, it can leave you questioning everything. Every idea, everything you have, the relationships and people around you, how you should look, feel, and dress.

At this very impressionable time, social media and the opinions of others will have you doing things just for show, when deep down, BOTH you and your kids absolutely hate. Ugh!

AND THAT, my friend, is something we don’t need at such a vulnerable time, and rediscovering ourselves after motherhood.

Commit to yourself

Now that all of that is out of the way, it’s time to commit to yourself. Commit to taking one step forward each day. Maybe your commitment looks like

Day 1: Get out of my pajamas

Day 2: Go for a walk

Day 3: Journal

Day 4: Get the juices flowing for your passion project

Day 5: Bible study

Day 6: Get ready for the day

Day 7: Jump rope

Day 8: Get in on the fun with the kids

Day 9: Alone time

Day 10: Get a pedicure or paint your nails

It’s all about the action and putting one foot in front of the other. Starting is the most challenging part, but once the gears get going and you gain momentum, it will become a part of your new routine. That, my friend, is the start of reclaiming your identity and rediscovering yourself after motherhood.

The best way I can describe it is as if you unlock a box or a new level in a game. Though we can’t go back but we adapt and create an even better one, an evolved life.

Bonus tip: Think of it as you get to relive your childhood through your kids. Teach and love your children as past miniature versions of yourself. Giving them the attention, hugs, and patience you never got.

That “fun” girl | woman is still there, but BETTER!
I like to think of myself as Alisha 2.0, and now I’m able to help others.

You’ve got this, and I’m rooting for you!